Samurai Cop Review

"I may stop by, so keep it warm." OH MY GOD. This movie is something else. I don't even know where to start with this movie. If you like movies like Troll 2, The Room, or even the Amazing Bulk then you will love this. I know that I did and I loved it for how bad this movie actually is.

The plot is about Detective Joe Marshall (Matt Hannon) and his partner Frank (Mark Frazer) helping the L.A.P.D take down the terrible Katana gang and the ruthless Yamashita (Robert Z'dar). It's so dumb.

The whole thing is awful. The color between shots are terrible. Transitions between shots are nonexistent. It's on the verge of being a porno at times. This is what an 70's exploitation is like in the 90's. It has no place. It is in limbo. The majority of the script was read with ADR so the audio doesn't quit match with everybody's voices. And before I finish the rant of how awful it is I need to address the worst wig in modern day cinema. Hannon cut his hair before reshoots so they bought a woman's wig and put it on him but it turned out over 50% of the film had to be reshot. Wow.

But this is also where the amazingness of this film comes from. Every scene is laughable because it is so bad. The strange sexual quotes that occur out of nowhere. The hornyness of everyone on this police force is unbelievable. How many mistakes were made is unbelievable. How this is even a movie is unbelievable.

Now why they cast Hannon and Z'dar as samurai is a huge question. Why not just get Japanese people to play the samurai? And the fight scenes are so bad they are excellent. Everyone who starts to watch this just becomes entranced. It is so bad but there is something that is solid gold about this movie. I would in no way condone this movie for kids to watch because one scene is a fun chase scene and the next is borderline porn but it would be a great drinking movie.

So overall this movie is bad. The only redeeming quality that this film has is that it is so bad. And unintentionally. So if you love bad movies and have some time to waste I would totally suggest this film. It is still available on Amazon prime. Hurry.

Grade: F (but A for my love of bad movies)

Genre: Action

Cast: Matt Hannon, Robert Z'dar, Mark Frazer

Rated: Unrated for language, violence, nudity

Director: Amir Shervan

Audition (1999) Review

"Words create lies. Pain can be trusted." Now if you are interested in horror movies and have no problem watching films with subtitles then no doubt you have heard of this movie before. Based on the book by Ryu Murakami and directed by Takshi Miike, who is very well known for his shock treatment in movies, this is at the top of the list of many disturbing films lists. But, after watching this its a hard film to forget.

The plot is about a lonely widower Shigeharu Aoyama (portrayed by Ryo Ishibashi) who decides that he will hold a fake audition in order to find himself a new bride. He eventually stumbles upon Asami Yamazaki (Eihi Shiina) during the audition and falls head over heels for her. But there seems to be more to her story than what is in her resume...

Lets get the technicals out of the way. The acting is top notch. The directing is top notch. Everything is unforgettable. I think that Miike is at the top of his game in this compared to some of his films like Visitor Q and Ichi the Killer. Everything just sort of forms together to both confuse you as well make a cohesive story. 

This film is insane. I think that is about the only word to describe it. It is infamous for its last fifteen minutes which to no surprise of a Miike film ends up with bloodshed. Many people have walked out during screenings of this film as soon as needles and piano wire came out. But really what kept me coming back to this movie is not the violence or gore but the fact that there is no catharsis by the time the credits role. What really did happen? What was real? What was a dream? This film can be interpreted so many different ways and brings up so many social questions that are still being addressed.

I think that one of the topics this film covers but does not do it gratuitously is the changing in culture and how the older generations have to start to come and accept that times are changing. Even though the film takes place in Japan I believe that this is a universal concept. During the film they make many nods to how there are no decent women in Japan and that obedience is not that common anymore. They both agree that should be a huge trait that should be apparent in any partner. There is also a scene where when I believe Aoyama is having a dream that he is being pleased by three different women. One is the woman who he wants to marry, another is a one time fling who is going to get married and become unavailable and the last is his son's date. All of these women have very different roles throughout the film and evoke different feelings for Aoyama as well as the culture of obedience that he controls through the film.

What I believe really that the root of this movie is that marriage is not something to be taken lightly. Even though Aoyama thought that he was in love with Asami, was it really just lust that he was going after? I believe that majority of this film is a dream where Aoyama is stressing about getting back into a marriage without thinking it through and his subconscious is taking control and cutting off his feet. Asami makes mention to this as she says "You cannot run away without your feet." My interpretation of that is as soon as we are married you will never escape and I will be in control now.

If you haven't seen this movie by now and want to go through more of a mind trip than Inception and can handle some gore and torture than I suggest at least checking out this movie. Although the one thing that works against this film is the slow burn, theres more to it than meets the eye. It may disturb a lot of viewers and I made sure to think things through before potentially starting a relationship.

Grade: A-

Genre: Horror, Thriller, Mystery

Cast: Ryo Ishibashi, Eihi Shiina

Rated R for violence/torture and sexuality

Director: Takashi Miike